time

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about time. It seems to pass by so quickly, especially the older you get. And that scares me. College is definitely passing by quicker than high school. I think it's because college is way more enjoyable for me. But that also makes me think about how I choose to spend my time. A lot of the times, I find myself "not having time" to do this or that because I choose to allocate my time elsewhere, such as catching up on sleep or just being by myself with my thoughts for a small portion of the day so that I can focus on myself. I've learned that I need to do this in order to re-center myself and also to prevent myself from going insane. Even taking some time to write a blog post helps me to keep chugging along. It may take away from my overall time to get assignments done or to socialize with friends and family, but I know that it's worth it because spending time with myself allows me to feel reenergized and overall betters me as a person.

So, no, I do not think that "self-care" is a myth. I do think, however, that the line between excessive self-care/avoiding responsibilities and actual, much-needed self-care is blurry. But over the years I've grown to distinguish the two from each other. (I will make a blog post about how I've learned to differentiate the two. It's hard, and I'm still learning, but I want to share what I know so far.)

Even though time is passing quicker than ever and I know that there is no way to stop it, the best advice I can give is to spend some parts of every day doing something enjoyable, doing something that you wholeheartedly want to put time into, even if it's for a little bit. When I do something I love, I don't even realize that time is passing. And I think that's really special. For instance, when I was younger, I would read books and write stories and poems for hours on end every single day. I realized that as I grew older, that special feeling slowly disappeared as I had to deal with more responsibilities. But ever since discovering that same feeling again, I've noticed that I can once again recapture the feeling that even though everything around me is a blur of movement, I can stop and rest for a moment.

j.j.

identity

Reading back on my old writing or anything that I have done in the past really does make me cringe. But it is also insightful to do so from time to time because you can see all of the changes and progress that you've made. Growing up in a time period where social media is so prevalent is amazing yet difficult at the same time. On the one hand, I want to include the use of social media with my career in the future, yet on the other hand, I know that people can get so caught up with social media. I think that people my age, those of us who have grown up with the Internet, are not realizing their full identities. I watched a YouTube video about a girl who took a 30-day break from social media and afterward she explained what she realized. I agree with everything that she said. When we are scrolling mindlessly on social media sites and getting bombarded with images of people who are more successful than us or prettier than us or have more money than us and are using certain products which will guarantee YOU to have the same results and be like them, our real identities are being chipped away at and being replaced, instead, by these images and messages. I realized that since being on social media, some parts of my identity have definitely been influenced by certain people or trends on social media. In a way, when looking back at my old writing and cringing, it gives me back a sense of self that I had lost. Even though I had deleted all of my old posts when this blog was still named Artsy Peacock and I was still a pre-teen without a stress in the world, I promise to myself that I won't do that again. I want to be able to read what I wrote before and see how I have changed. I want to document me finding my identity once again. I think that was also a reason as to why I decided to return to blogging. Subconsciously, I knew that I needed to be back to my little corner of the Internet where I could freely express my thoughts and collect pieces of my lost identity that I desperately need back.

j.j.

vision

For the past few days, I've been thinking about how to start blogging again. I kept running ideas through my mind about what to do. Perhaps a new blog design would help motivate me. Maybe sitting down and formulating a complete niche and exclusively categorical brand would help. But then I realized that for me at least, blogging isn't about having some sort of grand master plan. I started as a kid who wanted to write and wanted a virtual platform to do it on. That's it. I have decided to go back to my roots and simply write again. I think that by doing this, it'll help with my sanity and continue progressing my writing skills. No matter how busy I am, it's comforting to know that I will always return to my little corner of the Internet to share my thoughts and hopefully inspire a few people along the way. That was my original intent with blogging and still is. And I don't ever want to lose sight of that.

j.j.

transferring colleges

It's okay to want to transfer colleges. If you are not happy with the selection that you've made, you don't have to stay there. Even though I am grateful for the people that I've met during my freshman year of college, I still feel the need to transfer. When deciding whether or not to transfer, don't base your decision on the people that you've met. You're going to meet great people regardless of which college you attend. Instead, focus on the classes, the environment, and your gut feeling. For me, I thought that the classes at my college were not rigorous enough and it reminded me too much of high school. The environment reminded me of high school too. I felt like nobody was very social, everyone kept to themselves, and the student population was very small too. I kept seeing the same people every day but there was not any interaction happening. I also went with my gut feeling. I've learned that your gut feeling is usually correct. If you wake up and are not excited, if you get done with classes and feel unmotivated, and if you sit in your dorm with nothing to do besides homework, then these may be telltale signs that you are not at the right place. After spending a semester at my current college, I've gained enough experience to know that my heart doesn't belong here.

j.j.

updates (no. 2)

-I finished my first semester of freshman year and I am two weeks into my second.
-I am in the process of transferring colleges. Stressful. But I can do it.
-There's always time to improve.
-I find that I stress out a lot and I am trying to work on being less stressed and happier.
-Don't be so hard on yourself.
-People come and go. True friends will stay with you.

Happy 2019. There's been a lot on my mind and I can't wait to continue sharing my thoughts in this little corner of inspiration.

j.j.