it is okay to say no.

During my freshman year of high school, I was participating in many clubs and after school activities. Truth be told, I felt overwhelmed by all of the extracurriculars that I was taking on. Slowly, over the following three years, I dropped the activities that I didn't find as important or interesting to me. Those decisions massively helped my mental health and allowed me to focus more on academics and spending time with myself.

However, recently, when applying to colleges and scholarships, I felt like I was lacking in the activities department. Even though I know that I participate in many things, I felt like it wasn't enough. I felt like other people were doing so much more than me while I wasn't making any progress. I always hesitate to describe myself as "hardworking" or "productive" or "well-rounded" because personally, I feel like I am always lacking in some area.

But I have to teach myself that not participating in everything is okay.

It is okay to give yourself what you want.

It is okay to take a break.

It is okay to say no.


Not getting involved in as many extracurriculars as other people is okay.

j.j.

rebranding

I've been thinking about changing Artsy Peacock to deartomysoul for quite some time now. Back in 2011, the blog name Artsy Peacock really suited my character: a creative 11-year-old expressing her ideas on a blogging platform. But now that I'm 18, even though I've archived my old posts and gone in a new direction with this blog, the one thing that I stuck with was the name. It's time for a change. I think it is only right for my blog to grow alongside me.

j.j.

[let's make it another 7 years.]

overflowing bottle

I hate being a teenager. I remember the day I turned twelve. It's a memory that sticks out to me because I was crying so much that day. Maybe there was a fluctuation with my hormones or something, but I just remember crying and crying. Now, I am eighteen. And I still cry. But I cry to myself. I don't want others to see my emotions. I've written so many posts in the past (when I still had my old blog posts up) about keeping all of my emotions bottled up inside and not opening up to anyone. Unfortunately, not much has changed. I am still struggling to find a way to deal with my emotions. There are times when you feel so helpless and for the stupidest reasons. I think the problem with me is that I don't want people to see me being helpless, weak, stupid.

Even though the teenage years are necessary for growing up and I am thankful for all of the mistakes I've made, I can't help but think about everything that I have done and haven't done.

But I've learned that it is never good to dwell too much on the past nor the future. One thing that I learned is to be in the present. I used to hardly be present. However, over the years, I gradually changed that habit. If I have a hard time or if I am being anxious or even if I feel like I'm just stuck somewhere, I think about an anchor in my life. The mere thought of my grandmother who is now in heaven watching over me makes me snap back to reality and focus on my goals.

I know that no matter what happens or what ever decision I make, I will always be completely open with someone.

j.j.